There is a face playing all round and red that stretches across my mouth,
All for protection nobody gets in and nobody gets out.
I used to look myself in the mirror at the end of everyday,
But I took the one thing that made me beautiful and I threw it away.
I was a river, I was a tall tree, I was a volcano,
And now I’m asleep on top of a mountain, I’ve been covered in snow,
As I surrendered what made me human and what I thought was true.
And now there’s a robot that lives in my brain he tells me what to do,
I can’t do nothing without his permission that wasn’t part of the plan,
So now at Rock Ridge Pharmacy I will be waiting for my man.
But there is another down in the dungeon who never gave up the fight.
And he’ll be forever screaming, sometimes I hear him say on a quiet night,
He says
“You will always be a loser now”

Titus Andronicus blows me away with this song, “No Future Part III.” I was so against daily, prescribed medications thinking they do nothing but turn people into emotionless robots, ready to work for the benefit of the government, or what ever…

Now after starting on an Antidepressant myself, so far, it is a miracle!!!

So happy. So motivated. Staying sober and moving on with my life was never an option until now.

much love <3

80 days clean and serene today!!! Over all life is awesome. My mood is still up and down consistently but that might end now. Took my first dose of ‘Pristiq’ today for social anxiety & to stable my mood out. I have high hopes!!

It’s so strange. I never thought I’d be taking medications daily at this age. Even when my sister was prescribed Ritalin for her ADD half a decade ago, I felt disgusted. I would say, “that shits gonna turn you into a zombie. Why don’t you want to be yourself?” And now I look at myself… 5 pills in the morning, 3 in the evening.. Every damn day! 

I’m happy and motivated to be working on my social anxiety, finally, instead of burying and hiding it with dirty needles and false highs. 

I am still finding my higher power, trying to make contact with him/her/it.

That’s all for now, goodbye folks!

Death from Above while I clean my place up!!

I broke free from my apathy and finally felt something this past weekend, joy! I am looking forward to graduating IOP next Friday, diving into a sober, NA life, and finding some employment. 

Talk soon

xoxox

I am clean and sober, but I am also: bored, tired, unmotivated, apathetic, meaningless, lost, anxious, worried, shy, and so much more, but so much less….

gnight tumblr

Mediocrity, oh, mediocrity…

Apathy, oh, apathy…